Bob's Presidential Campaign: Recap
29 November 2016 • by bob • Campaigning, Politics
Remember how I was running for President?
Well, it turns out that I would have won both the electoral college in a landslide AND the popular vote if you deduct the millions of people who didn't actually vote for me.
The Internet Is Down
21 October 2016 • by bob • Computers, Humor
You know, for all those hundreds of times that my kids would tell me "The Internet is Down," today the Internet actually goes down and none of my kids lived at home to complain about it. I'm not sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing...
FYI - For news about the Internet outage, see the following URLs:
Bob's Presidential Campaign: Day 2
30 September 2016 • by bob • Campaigning
In an effort to quell the rumors, I have to be honest; I did run a private email server in my basement...
But it's okay, I deleted all the emails when I was done with it.
Bob's Presidential Campaign: Day 1
29 September 2016 • by bob • Campaigning
I have decided to run for President...
On day 1 of my campaign - I promise to institute mandatory siestas every afternoon.
My new campaign slogan: "Make America Snooze Again."
Alternate campaign slogan: "A Tired Man for Tiring Times..."
I Guess I'm Not So Special After All...
16 August 2016 • by bob • Humor
I've been going through my emails, and I'm beginning to get the feeling that all of those "Hot Deals Just For You" messages that I've been receiving for the past 20 years aren't just for me...
So sad.
Some of the Best Names in the Army
29 June 2016 • by bob • Humor, Military
During my time in the Army I knew some people with very interesting names for their chosen profession, and here are just a few of my favorite examples.
When I was at DLI our unit had someone named SGT Kill. Considering the fact that the Army's unofficial job description is to "kill people and blow things up," her name was amazingly apropos.
At Fort Devens I knew a German Linguist named SPC Lauscher, whose last name means "eavesdropper" in German; it's like he was born for the job.
There was also a SGT Major at one of my units. He was actually a Sergeant by rank, and his last name just happened to be "Major," so for obvious reasons his name sounded downright powerful, didn't it? I never followed up to see how long he stayed in the Army, because his name could have been a lot more fun as he went through the ranks: Staff Sergeant Major, First Sergeant Major, Sergeant Major Major, Command Sergeant Major Major, etc.
But the following true story is the best:
When I reported to Fort Huachuca, I had already been in the Army over 4 years, so I had seen lots of instances of practical jokes played on new arrivals at each duty station. For example, a lot of pranksters employ "supply lists for newbies" to poke fun at their victims. (Everyone remembers new recruits asking for "Squelch Grease," "Chemlight Batteries," and "Grid Squares," right?) However, on one occasion when I actually needed something specific for one of our trucks, one of my coworkers said, "Go see Private Parts in the Supply Room." I laughed and replied, "Look, I didn't enlist yesterday; who really works in supply?" My colleague quickly responded, "No really - that's his name."
Feeling that I had been duped but still needing repair parts for my vehicle, I headed to supply, where I actually met with a guy named Private Parts. I'm not sure who had the bright idea of assigning a guy with that name to the supply room; that was either a cruel practical joke or a job that he was destined to do. In either case, I took one look at him and said, "Dude, the drill sergeants at Basic Training must have unleashed hell on you." He winced slightly and replied, "You don't know the half of it..."
First World Problems
31 March 2016 • by Bob • Hardware
One of the four computer monitors on my desk has died and I'm left thinking, "Well, darn. How am I going to get any work done?"
(Note: They're actually flat-screen monitors; the CRTs are from Visio.)
Manhood Explained with Muffins
18 March 2016 • by Bob • Ponderings, Humor
Sitting by a pool today, I have decided that there are several seasons in each man's life which can best be summed up in the following manner:
- Mini-Muffin
- Stud-Muffin
- Muffin-Top
- Stale-Muffin
(PS - You'll thank me for not including photos to illustrate my point.)
Election 2016
29 February 2016 • by Bob • Humor, Politics
I've decided that I'm voting for this guy this year...
Don't put him down as arrogant. (Unlike some other candidates,)
PS - Yeah, sure he's Canadian, but since when has a lack of citizenship slowed down anyone's chances for candidacy? 
Geddy Lee or Jacques Offenbach
25 February 2016 • by Bob • Humor, Music
After careful consideration, I have decided that Geddy Lee of Rush is actually a time traveling musical genius who was also posing as the nineteenth century composer Jacques Offenbach... That would explain why Rush named one of their last tours "Time Machine" and their plethora of science fiction lyrics over the years...
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| Geddy Lee or Jacques Offenbach? You decide. |