This post marks the 10th installment in my series on the 511th MI Company. So far I have posted all of the lists that I had collected, and I've included some stories along the way. Today's post is a little different - I also collected a bunch of jokes that the ESM squads from the two EW platoons sent back and forth over the TRQ-32's ASAS system. I thought that it might be amusing to let everyone see what we thought was funny at the time. ;-]
In the text file that I had used to collect these jokes I had added the following dedication:
These works best represent the attitudes and feelings shared by most who have sat rack upon the "Pos of Sorrow" at one time or another. They are not always intended to offend, though they sometimes do, but rather to show a rare moment of humor in what might otherwise be a dull and boring life.
To all who wear the Blackhorse, I say with the utmost of heartfelt sincerity and emotion, "Get out of the Army while you still can!"
For each of the jokes that were sent, I managed to write down who sent them and what field problem we were deployed on when I collected them.
Selected Titles from the J. Irwin Rumplemeyer Memorial Book Club
There are many titles to chose from when you join the J. Irwin Rumplemeyer Memorial Book Club. Famous authors, quality works.
- Trotting across Zaire
- I suck, you suck (Speak for yourself, Spanky)
- The Spankmeister of Fulda Gap
- Thermonuclear Racquetball: Applied theories
- Opussum Huntin' with Billy Bob Redneck
- The Chairborne Rangers: Tales from the Orderly Room
- How to make two small hats from a brassiere
- John Carter, Warlord of Mars versus Andy Griffith
- Roadkill: It's not just for breakfast anymore
- Tremble your way to fitness
- Eat right, stay fit, and die anyway
- Getting the point across with Plastique
- The Donner Party Cookbook: Frontier recipes with a twist
- It's not easy being a complete Putz: Biography of an XO
- The Black and Decker home facial reconstruction kit
- The Petroleum Jelly Diet
- What every 98G should know, but doesn't ask. (Who cares!)
- Dude, get a clue.
- Coming of age, new NCO's speak out.
- Gandhi, story of an abused child.
- Does Fu Man Chu?
- Thatcher and Reagan: Portrait of a lust affair
- The life and times of 34 extremely short Saints
- True Confessions: I was a Democrat!!
- "Is safe sex in a car, intercourse with the seatbelts on?"
- How to net with a 32(V) and get a date at the same time
- Sex and the 98G, or Wahhh!!
- Spanking: An in-depth study of milk and ************
- Milk: It's not just for drinking!
- Field Duty: It's not just a job, it's boring!!!!!
- Toxic Dumps: A guide to vacationing in America
(By Dave Paski, "Bold Lancer" 1989)
Note: I believe that Paski's "Biography of an XO" book was in reference to 1LT Stahl, who was thrust on the 511th for several months as Company XO until our CO managed to find a way to push him off on some other unsuspecting Company.
The 10 Top Heavy Metal Albums of All Time
- Burl Ives - "Chainsaw Lust"
- Slim Whitman - "Satan and a Six Pack"
- Roger Whitaker - "Dance, Bitch, Dance"
- Boxcar Willy - "Hobo Hell"
- Mormon Tabernacle Choir - "Sacrifice Two out of Three Wives"
- Boston Pops - "Belial's Orchestra"
- Mitch Miller - "Backwards Singalongs"
- Roy Clark - "Even **** Rot"
- Engelbert Humperdink - "Vanity for my Soul"
- Buck Owens - "I hope that Roy Clark rots"
(J.J. Simmons, "Bold Lancer" 1989)
The F.B.I.'s Latest Wanted Dead List
- Lt. McNeil (Alias "Spanky") - Wanted for impersonating an Officer
- Sgt. Smith - Wanted for impersonating a mature person
- Sgt. Degrood - Wanted for impersonating Dumbo
- Spc. Paski - Wanted for impersonating Sgt. Smith
- Spc. Dodge - Wanted for impregnating sheep
(J.J. Simmons, "Bold Lancer" 1989)
Five Reasons Why Not to Yodel in the Woods
- The Boars only like country
- It causes diarrhea in rodents
- It causes spontaneous itching in embarrassing places
- Burl Ives would sue
- It turns Bill Magan on
(J.J. Simmons, "Caravan Guard" 1989)
That's it for now - I'll post more in future notes.