A Short Ride on a Hot Summer Day

I thought that I would take a quick 9-mile ride today in the 100F+ afternoon temperatures just to see what that was like. (Spoiler alert - this was a dumb idea.) My friend Keith had done a similar ride several years earlier on the hottest day in Seattle history, and even though he admitted in hindsight that it probably was a bad plan, sometimes experience is the best teacher - so this is a lesson that I had to learn for myself.

It is a measured 4.5 miles from my doorstep to the guard shack at the Saguaro National Park, which makes it a fairly easy 9-mile ride roundtrip on a good day, (with the option of adding an additional 8 miles if you ride through the park itself). There is only 250 feet of elevation change from my house to the park, so I can generally average about 15mph without too much effort.

I use CycloMeter on my Windows Phone to track my rides, and it uses the Windows Phone "Zira" text-to-speech voice to announce each mile that I have travelled, every 10 minutes that I have been riding, and every 100 calories that I have burned.

With that in mind, here is the conversation that ensued between my Windows Phone and me during today's ride:

  • Leaving the house:
    • Me: Hmm... it's a little warm. What's the temperature?
    • Me: [Looks at the Weather Channel app.]
    • Me: 101 degrees, not too bad.
  • At the 0.5-mile mark:
    • Me: Let's just casually glide between these speed bumps and the curb, shall we? No sense beating up the bike.
  • At the 1.0-mile mark:
    • Zira: You've ridden 1 mile.
    • Me: Yeah, yeah. I'm aware of that - I know right where I am.
  • At the 1.7-mile mark:
    • Me: OK - quick break at the Houghton Road stoplight. Time to hydrate.
  • At the 2.0-mile mark:
    • Me: There's the road that marks off 2 miles from my house.
    • Zira: You've ridden 2 miles.
    • Me: Um, yeah - didn't I just say that?
  • At the 2.5-mile mark:
    • Zira: You've burned 100 calories.
    • Me: Cool. Is it me, or is it getting warmer?
  • At the 3.0-mile mark:
    • Me: This was a dumb idea. I hate this hill.
    • Zira: You've ridden 3 miles.
    • Me: I must remember that this big hill with the turn is the 3-mile mark.
    • Me: (Didn't I tell myself that the last time I rode this way?)
  • At the 4.0-mile mark:
    • Me: This was a really dumb idea. It's pretty hot out here. How much Gatorade do I have left? Where am I?
    • Zira: You've ridden 4 miles.
    • Me: Oh, that's where I am. This was a really dumb idea.
  • At the 4.5-mile mark:
    • Me: OK - I'm at the guard shack; time to turn around. Should I stop to refill my water bottle? Nah, takes too long.
    • My Evil Subconscious: Hey, as long as I'm here, should I enter the park and add the 8-mile desert ride onto this?
    • My Good Subconscious: I hate you. Shut up.
  • At the 5.0-mile mark:
    • Zira: You've ridden 5 miles.
    • Me: It's really hot; did I mention that already? This was such a dumb idea.
    • Zira: You've burned 200 calories.
    • Me: Well, that takes care of lunch.
  • At the 6.0-mile mark:
    • Zira: You've ridden 6 miles.
    • Me: I'm almost out of Gatorade; I should have filled up with water at the park entrance. I'm such an idiot.
  • At the 6.7-mile mark:
    • Me: I should be at the 7-mile mark!!! What's up with this stupid GPS??? There's the stupid road that's 2 miles from my house!!!
    • Zira: (Silence.)
    • Me: Oh wait, wrong road; there's the correct road up ahead. This was a dumb idea.
  • At the 7.0-mile mark:
    • Zira: You've ridden 7 miles.
    • Me: Shut up. No one likes a smarty-pants. Why is it so hot?
  • At the 7.3-mile mark:
    • Me: Must catch the stoplight at Houghton Road...
    • Me: Must catch the stoplight at Houghton Road...
    • Me: Must catch the stoplight at Houghton Road...
    • Me: Caught it.
  • At the 7.5-mile mark:
    • Zira: You've burned 300 calories.
    • Me: By the time I get home, I will have burned off breakfast and lunch. How's my blood sugar? Is it crashing yet? Perhaps I should have eaten more?
  • At the 8.0-mile mark:
    • Zira: You've ridden 8 miles.
    • Me: Why does my Gatorade taste like I boiled it? Maybe a black water bottle was a bad idea.
  • At the 8.5-mile mark:
    • Me: Who put these stupid speed bumps here???
  • At the 8.9-mile mark:
    • Me: I'm right by the house!!! Why doesn't this stupid GPS say 9 miles???
    • My OCD Subconscious: You have to ride through the neighborhood to pick up the extra 0.1 miles and make it an even 9.0 miles.
    • My Hindsight Subconscious: You actually fell for that? You're an idiot.
  • At the 9.0-mile mark:
    • Zira: You've ridden 9 miles.
    • Me: I'm done!!! Throw bike in garage... Grab water bottle from fridge... Pour ice water in my hair and drink the rest... Jump in shower... Why is this tap water so warm??? I haven't even turned on the hot water!!!

That's pretty much how the whole ride went down. Just in case you were wondering, the starting and ending temperatures for the ride were both 101 degrees.

Did I mention at any point that this was a dumb idea?

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