Geeky Bob

Well, today was an interesting ride. Tuesdays are one of my short rides, and normally I do my usual 17-mile ride (home to the Saguaro National Park, around the park loop, and home again). But the weather was looking like it was going to be really bad, and all of the weather websites showed thunderstorms throughout the day. I looked at a lot of the radar images, and it appeared as though the storms were going to collide with the Catalina Mountains to the north of Tucson, and there was another system on the far side of the Rincon mountains to the east of Tucson.

However, Saguaro National Park is at the base of the Rincon mountains, which meant that a simple shift in the storm's direction would drop the storm on top of me when I was somewhere where I would rather not be in a thunderstorm. All of the storms seemed to be headed to the northeast, so I figured that as long as I stuck to the south, I should be okay. I therefore decided to head out to Colossal Caves, where there were a few opportunities to seek shelter if the need arose. That being said, the ride to Colossal Caves is 14 miles longer than my usual ride, which meant that I rode 31.2 miles instead of 17 miles.

It looked like the weather was getting worse as the day progressed, so I decided to ride earlier in the day instead of waiting for an evening ride like normal. With that in mind, I headed out shortly before noon, and I could see that the Catalina mountains and the northwest side of Tucson were getting slammed by serious thunderstorms. The trouble is, as I approached Saguaro National Park, I could see that South Tucson had a major rainstorm overhead, but I couldn't tell if it would be a problem later. Apart from that, the ride to the caves was uneventful, albeit a little slower than normal as I kept looking over my shoulder to see what the weather was doing.

As I was headed back, I could see that I was headed into a storm. While I accepted the fact that rain was a certainty, I saw several flashes of lightning that had me alarmed. (Rain = Acceptable; Lightning = Unacceptable.) I knew that the Rincon Market was at the 22-mile point, and I was somewhere around the 18-mile point as I suddenly found myself facing a serious headwind. (This elicited some serious yelling at nature on my part, all of which was utterly fruitless.) Knowing that I would shortly be drenched, I moved my cell phone and other important things into a small Ziploc bag that I had brought with me specifically for this possibility.

A light rain started to fall as I reached the market, and I pulled off the road briefly as I pulled out my cell phone to check the weather. The radar images looked like I would be skirting around the storm that I saw earlier, so I got back on the road headed home. Shortly after I hit the road, the rain started grew stronger. As I rode along, I kept reminding myself of each location where I could pull off the road if the weather became unbearable. By the time I was headed uphill from Jeremy wash, the rain was falling much harder, and the low areas around the wash were filling with water. My bike has no fenders, so I was throwing around a fair amount of mud as I rode.

When I reached Saguaro National Park, the rain had abated significantly, and it had ended within another half-mile or so, although that didn't help the mud situation. I made it home safely, though, and somewhat wiser about paying attention to large puddles that form on the roads.

Ride Stats:

• Distance: 31.2 miles
• Start Time: 11:43am
• Duration: 2:15:38
• Average Speed: 13.8 mph
• Peak Speed: 28.0 mph
• Altitude Gain: 1,334 feet
• Calories Burned: 1,721 kcal
• Starting Temp: 86 degrees
• Ending Temp: 77 degrees

I got up today with the intention of riding 50 miles, and I’m happy to say that I stuck to that plan. For the most part, anyway. My chosen route was to ride the 15 miles or so from my house to Colossal Caves, then backtrack 10 miles to the entrance of Saguaro National Park, then 10 miles back to Colossal Caves, and then 15 miles home. All of those distances were only estimates, though – my actual number of miles ridden for the day was 53, so I exceeded my goal by a few miles. (And that’s okay by me.)

I set my alarm for 8am this morning, with every intention of heading out for my ride by 8:30am. However, when I woke up I discovered that Kathleen was making waffles and bacon, so we had a leisurely breakfast together as we chatted about our respective weeks. As a result, I didn’t get on the road until sometime around 9:30am, but quality time with my spouse is worth more than a silly bike ride – so my delay was worth every minute.

I chose to ride 50 miles because it works out nicely riding to Colossal Caves and back a couple times; there are a lot of hills, so it keeps me working the whole time. But I wanted to ride at least 43 miles today because that would help me hit the century mark (100 miles) for the week. That being said, going past my goal is not bad, either. And with that in mind, I logged 110 miles on the bicycle this week – with nearly 6,200 calories burned.

The ride was mostly uneventful, although I saw two distracted drivers swerve off the road ahead of me. Had they lost their concentration when they were speeding past me… well, let’s just be thankful that the worst-case scenario was averted.

A few weeks ago I rode a metric century (100km), although I did just about everything wrong for that ride: I stayed up all night the night before (so I had been up for 24 hours when I began the ride), I barely consumed 200 calories worth of food before heading out, and I ate nothing during the 4.5-hour ride. As someone from a local bike shop commented, “You’re the guy we’re going to find lying by the road some day.” With that in mind, it was better to have had a real breakfast before heading out today, and I made sure to down a package of Gu at the 15-mile, 26-mile, and 37-mile points. I drank several liters of water and Gatorade during today’s ride, yet I still managed to lose a little over a pound of weight during the endeavor.

I had one intentional stop during the ride; I pulled into the hydration station at Saguaro National Park near the mid-point of my ride in order to refill all of my water bottles. I met another cyclist while I was there; she had just completed her loop around the park and was headed home shortly. (She was recovering from a recent illness, and she was lamenting the fact that she had to pull off the road near the middle of the "Widow Maker" hill on the back part of the ride. As someone who hates that hill, she truly had my sympathy.)

That being said, I also had one unintentional stop during the ride - as I was just starting up the long, 5-mile hill on the last leg of my route to Colossal Caves, I somehow managed to drop my water bottle. As a result, I brought the bike to a quick halt, and I nearly fell over since my shoes were immobilized in toe clips. But I managed to get one foot out before I hit the ground, and I laid the bike on its side while I ran back for my bottle. Once I had that safely stowed, I climbed back on my bike and I began the laborious process of riding uphill. (Although I was upset with myself for having lost all of my forward momentum when I stopped.)

I saw two good-sized tarantulas on the road, and I managed to miss both of them. (Good thing, too – I am sure that tarantula guts are no fun to clean off.) I saw lots of hawks in flight, which was better than the usual gaggle of turkey vultures who follow me when I'm riding at mid-day in 100+ temperatures. (Seriously - I am followed by vultures a lot when it's really hot. I wonder if they know something I don't?)

For the future, I’m looking into making a small change to this ride: instead of riding all the way to Colossal Caves on Old Spanish Trail, I can turn off onto Pistol Hill Road (I love the name!) about a mile before the caves, then turn onto Camino Loma Alta, which will take me back to Old Spanish Trail. This adds a few miles to the ride, and it cuts out the barely-maintained last mile to the caves (which hurts to ride). I seem to be the only cyclist who is riding all the way to the caves, so I’m pretty sure that all of the other cyclists are using this alternate route. If I combine that route with my current plan of riding twice to the caves, I might be able to extend the ride to 60 miles.

Ride Stats:

• Distance: 53.0 miles
• Start Time: 9:28am
• Duration: 3:44:57
• Average Speed: 14.1 mph
• Peak Speed: 31.3 mph
• Altitude Gain: 2,932 feet
• Calories Burned: 2,956 kcal
• Starting Temp: 82 degrees
• Ending Temp: 94 degrees

8/17/2104 Update: I was on the verge of falling asleep as I wrote this blog, which is unlike me; I usually head off to bed around 2am every day, so it was extremely atypical for me to be that tired so early. Nevertheless, I climbed into bed after publishing the original blog, and I slept for 11 hours, which is also not my normal behavior. I must be getting older. ;-]

Once again, today was supposed to be one of my “Short Days,” but I decided to shake things up just a bit: instead of riding the usual 17-mile trek from my house through Saguaro National Park and home again, I doubled my ride around the park, which yielded a 26-mile ride.

The days have been growing shorter as we head into Fall and Winter, and sunset is getting a little earlier each day. A few weeks ago sunset was around 7:30pm, but I checked earlier today and saw that sunset was going to be at 7:08pm. With that in mind, I did some quick math: if I assumed that it takes me 20 minutes to the park and 20 minutes to return home, and it takes 40 minutes for each loop around the park, that means that it should take about two hours to complete the ride. (In all actuality, it takes me less time for each phase of the ride, but I like to add a little buffer in case of weather.)

With that in mind, I knew that I needed to head out as close to 5pm as possible, but I needed to lock up our puppy before I left and she was being uncooperative, so that delayed my start time until quarter after the hour.

I decided that some music would be nice for today’s ride, so I loaded NeedToBreathe’s Studio Album Collection onto my cell phone, and I had that playing throughout the journey. (No earbuds, though - I only used the phone’s speaker.)

I was also wearing my new riding jersey today, which I bought a few days ago. I’m liking it a lot, and it has lots of great artwork that reminds me of my years in the Pacific Northwest.

The day was predominantly overcast, which made it seem like the sun was already setting by the time that I arrived at the park. Nevertheless, I started with earnest, and I managed to complete my first loop around the park in 36 seconds less than my previous personal best. (It’s the little victories that make your day.) I felt like I was riding a little slower my second time around the park, and I was certainly climbing the “Widow Maker” hill a little slower than my first loop. But somehow I made back for lost time, because my GPS showed that it took me just over 34 minutes to complete each loop around the park, with an average of a little over 14mph for both loops.

I have to admit, riding around the park a second time is difficult, because I’m pretty tired after my first loop. At times I have to rely on some old Army training psychology for perseverance; sometimes you just have to tuck your head down and push on. It also helps that the park is a one-way street: once I’ve started my second loop, I’m committed to completing the course.

The sun was visibly racing toward the far horizon as I completed my second loop around the park and started my 4.5-mile trek homeward, so I made sure to turn on all of my lights to avoid being hit by a car. (Today’s motorists are inattentive enough as it is.) I expected the second loop around the park to extend my ride to 25 miles, but for some reason my GPS indicated that I had ridden a little over 26 miles. I have no idea how that happened, but I won’t argue with it.

Ride Stats:

• Distance: 26.1 miles
• Start Time: 5:16pm
• Duration: 1:44:35
• Average Speed: 15.0 mph
• Peak Speed: 32.4 mph
• Altitude Gain: 2,020 feet
• Calories Burned: 1,498 kcal
• Starting Temp: 85 degrees
• Ending Temp: 84 degrees

Quick Algebra Pop Quiz: The loop around Saguaro National Park is 8 miles. I passed a guy running in the opposite direction at the 6-mile mark on my first loop around the park, and I passed him again at the 3.5-mile mark on my second loop. If I was averaging 14mph around the park, what was the runner’s average mph around the park? ;-)

Today was supposed to be one of my "Short Days," meaning that I would ride my usual 17-mile trek from my house through Saguaro National Park and home again. But I had the day off, so I decided to ride a Metric Half-Century (50km) from my house to Colossal Caves and back.

This past Saturday the same ride had taken me a little over two hours, and I was hoping that I could improve on that and complete the ride in less than two hours. Sadly, this was not going to be possible. I discovered as I started out that I was riding into a stiff headwind all the way to Colossal Caves, which ultimately added six minutes to my total ride time. (Actually, it probably would have added more, but I intentionally rode faster than normal on my way back from Colossal Caves to make up for lost time.)

That being said, the strong headwind made climbing a lot of the hills on the road to Colossal Caves very difficult to negotiate, and I found myself having to downshift a lot to compensate; periodically I had to downshift while riding downhill just to fight the winds that hit me in the face as I crested the various hills that exist between the 10-mile and 15-mile mark on my way to the caves.

As I mentioned the other day, I have done this ride often enough to recognize most of the scenery along the way, so today I completed most of the ride with the screen turned off on my phone to conserve the battery. (Note: I turned on the screen once I hit the 10-mile mark so I could see how close to the caves I was getting, because the terrain between 10-miles and 15-miles contains the worst of the hills, and then I turned it off for the ride home.)

As I rode through the bottom of a wash at the 10-mile mark, I noticed a cow chewing its cud behind a fence off to the right of the road. I mustered up my best cow impression and I called out a friendly "Moo!" as I passed by, but she simply eyed me with contempt, as if to ask, "Why does everybody do that?"

On my way back from the caves, there is a certain point where I pass a sign which reads, "Tucson - 10 Miles." I have to admit, it is momentarily demoralizing to realize that you are on a bicycle in the middle of the desert and 10 miles from town.

Ride Stats:

• Distance: 31.2 miles
• Start Time: 9:43am
• Duration: 2:14:56
• Average Speed: 13.9 mph
• Peak Speed: 33.6 mph
• Altitude Gain: 2,152 feet [See Below]
• Calories Burned: 1,726 kcal
• Starting Temp: 90 degrees
• Ending Temp: 94 degrees

Note: Something appears to be seriously off with the altitude gain computation in my GPS application for my phone. I have done this ride several times, and the altitude gain is always well over 1,800 feet. For today's ride it said the altitude gain was 387 feet, which was totally bogus. When I analyzed the GPS data from my ride in an external application, I got the 2,152 feet that I listed above. So something is definitely amiss. Grrrrr.

I took it somewhat easy today - Saturdays are supposed to be my long days, but I had a bunch of items on my "Honey Do" list that needed to be done, so I simply rode a metric half-century (50 kilometers / 31 miles). I might have considered adding Saguaro National Park to my ride in order to add another 8 miles to my distance, but I realized sometime after I left the house that I had left my annual pass for the park at home. Which is just as well, since I had told Kathleen that I was only riding 30 miles - from our house to Colossal Caves and back.

Overall the ride to Colossal Caves was not that bad; I've made the trek a few times, and I'm getting to know the road a little better. This means I'm learning when to push myself a little harder, and when I should reserve some energy for bigger obstacles in my future. For example, I know that the 15-mile journey from my house to Colossal Caves has a slight gain for the first 4.5 miles, then it's downhill for a few miles, then it's mostly flat for a few miles, and the final five miles are mostly uphill (with the worst near the end). All of the uphill & downhill parts of the trek remind me lyrics from the song "Spinning Wheel" from the late 1960s: "What goes up, must come down." Except it's the other way 'round: "What goes downhill, must go back uphill again." This is a sad reality of topography.

There was a bad headwind on my way back, and that undoubtedly added a few minutes to the ride, which was unfortunate because I was striving for an even two-hour ride for the 30-mile distance from my house to the caves and back, but I arrived home 8 minutes behind that schedule. Not for lack of trying, though. For example: a guy passed me around the 20-mile mark, but I was able to catch him over the next six miles as we got to the part of the ride which meanders uphill from Jeremy Wash. He turned off into Saguaro National Park as I continued homeward, so it's entirely possible that he was reserving his strength for the "Widow Maker" hill in Saguaro National Park around the 3.5-mile mark. I ran out of water when I was about 1.5 miles from my house, which wasn't too bad. I knew that I was close and I had a bottle of Gatorade waiting for me in the fridge, so I didn't attempt to hold anything in reserve.

I tried an experiment for today's ride: during my time in the military, I had something of a ritual on the days when I would to my long distance runs, (e.g. 10K races or half-marathons), where I would have scrambled eggs about an hour before the run, and I would take aspirin before I started the run. With that in mind, I tried something similar: I scrambled three eggs for breakfast and ate those about an hour before the ride, then I took a mixture of migraine medicines before heading out (aspirin, acetaminophen and ibuprofen). I also had a package of Gu right before the ride, and I had another package at the 15-mile mark. In the end, I have no idea if any of this helped.

Ride Stats:

• Distance: 31.1 miles
• Start Time: 10:50am
• Duration: 2:08:28
• Average Speed: 14.5 mph
• Peak Speed: 30.8 mph
• Altitude Gain: 1,808 feet
• Calories Burned: 1,764 kcal
• Starting Temp: 90 degrees
• Ending Temp: 94 degrees

Today was one of my “Short Days,” meaning that I would ride my usual 17-mile trek from my house through Saguaro National Park and home again. That being said, I did something different today – I have always ridden solo, but today I rode with David, who is an old friend of mine from high school.

I have to mention that the idea of riding with someone else had me worried for two primary reasons:

• What if he rides faster than I do and I can’t keep up with him?
• What if he rides slower than I do and he can’t keep up with me?

The second concern seemed less-likely, but I didn’t want to hold up someone who was way outside my range as a cyclist. As it turns out, my concerns appeared to have been for naught, as we seemed to ride at a similar pace.

There was one great advantage to having someone else with whom to ride: as we rode up the “Widow Maker” hill on the back side of the park, we talked about guitars for a lot of our journey, which helped to take my mind off my normal thoughts for that part of the ride. (Note: I am typically thinking something like, “I hate this!!! Why am I doing this to myself???”)

That being said, as we stopped at the hydration station near the entrance to the park, we met up with several other cyclists who were all lamenting about the infamous hill on the back side of the park. With that in mind, David needed to take a couple of breaks during our ride around the park, which I completely understood; this can be a very taxing course, and I needed to take a few breaks during several of my earlier attempts.

Ride Stats:

• Distance: 17.0 miles    
• Duration: 1:40:00
• Average Speed: 10.2 mph
• Peak Speed: 31.9 mph
• Altitude Gain: 919 feet
• Calories Burned: 909 kcal

Today was one of my "Short Days" for cycling - I've been trying to get into a regular riding schedule where I take it easy on Tuesdays and Thursdays and ride just 17 miles. (4.5 miles from my house out to Saguaro National Park, around the 8-mile loop, and 4.5 miles back home.) This has slowly become my "default ride," and I ride around the park often enough for the gate guards recognize me when I arrive. There were a few more cyclists on the road today, which was a nice change. Usually I seem to be riding alone, and that is due to the fact that I will start a ride when the temperature is well over 100 degrees, when most cyclists won't dare to ride. (Or maybe they're simply smart enough not to leave the house. Hmm.) That being said, the temperature was hovering around 100 degrees when I left home, so it was something of a surprise to see other cyclists on the road.

Today was my first day back on the bicycle after my 100K ride this past Saturday, which had depleted almost all of my energy for the rest of that day. With that in mind, I was a little nervous about how my legs would hold up during today's outing, and surprisingly I didn't seem to be suffering any lingering ill-effects from my self-imposed abuse the other day. That being said, as I was making my way around the park, I could tell that my pace was a little better than usual, so I decided to press a little harder when possible, and as a result I completed the 8-mile loop in 34:47, which beat my previous personal best by a little over 2 minutes. This also bumped me up to 4th place (out of 107 riders) on MapMyFitness for the Saguaro National Park loop. Of course, that statistic only accounts for the riders who bother to upload their times to MapMyFitness; I'm sure that there are plenty of better riders who don't upload their times. Still, it's nice to know that I'm riding faster than somebody, because I usually think that I'm riding pretty slowly as I slog my way up some of the bigger hills around the park.

But that being said, I always cycle around Saguaro National Park in the middle of my ride, whereas many cyclists drive to the park and simply ride around the 8-mile loop. I'd like to think that the people who are riding faster than me are also riding a few miles before and after their ride around the park, but I can never be sure. Still, my overall time for today's ride was 20 minutes faster than I did a month ago, so that's something for me to be happy about.

Ride Stats:

• Distance: 17.0 miles
• Duration: 1:10:30
• Average Speed: 14.5 mph
• Altitude Gain: 1,243 feet
• Calories Burned: 964 kcal

I rode a metric century (100 Km) today, although that wasn't my original intention. I had planned to ride 50 miles (twice from my house to Colossal Caves and back). That being said, when I looked at the weather reports yesterday, they all predicted that thunderstorms would descend on Tucson at 10am, which meant that I should leave the house around 6am in order to have plenty of time to complete the ride and get home. Anyone who is familiar with me knows how much I hate mornings, but I'm pretty good with late nights, so I hatched an odd plan - stay up all night, and then go on the ride. That probably wasn't the brightest idea, but it's what I decided to do.

I managed to get on the road by 6:15am, and by the time I had finished 50 miles several hours later, the storms hadn't started, and I hadn't reached the point of muscle failure, so I decided to tack another 10 miles onto the ride. Once again, this may not have been the brightest idea, but once I started around Saguaro National Park, I was committed to the endeavor. In the end, my cell phone died, which I used for a GPS, so I'm not exactly sure how many miles I went over 60, but I'm certain that I hit my 100 km goal. Just the same, when I finally arrived home after four-and-a-half hours of riding and no sleep in 26 hours or so, I was more exhausted than you can imagine. Even so, today's ride pales in comparison to my friends who just finished the RAMROD (Ride Around Mount Rainier in One Day).

I usually ride in the afternoon and evenings when there are few cyclists on the road, so it was pretty cool to share the road with dozens of other riders. If I didn't hate mornings so much, I might actually enjoy riding at that time of day. Apparently I wasn't the only one making mutiple round-trips to Colossal Caves; a few of us passed each other a few times. (Note: some of the better riders are still passing me on the bigger hills, which reinforces my need to work on my climbing skills.)

There was one major annoyance on my first trip to Colossal Caves: bugs. Millions of them. No exaggeration - there were millions of bugs (which looked like flying ants) in huge swarms along the 10-mile trek from Saguaro National Park to Colossal Caves. They were hitting me everywhere: they stung as they hit the exposed skin on my arms and legs, they were sticking to my clothes, they kept hitting me in the face, etc. I could see that the bugs were affecting the other cyclists on the road based on their erratic swerving to avoid the bigger swarms. Thankfully the bugs were mostly gone by the time I started my second 20-mile run out to Colossal Caves, so the second trip was considerably better than the first.

Ride Stats:

• Distance: 62.24 miles
• Duration: 4:33:00
• Average Speed: 16.7 mph
• Calories Burned: 3684 kcal

I thought that I would take a quick 9-mile ride today in the 100F+ afternoon temperatures just to see what that was like. (Spoiler alert - this was a dumb idea.) My friend Keith had done a similar ride several years earlier on the hottest day in Seattle history, and even though he admitted in hindsight that it probably was a bad plan, sometimes experience is the best teacher - so this is a lesson that I had to learn for myself.

It is a measured 4.5 miles from my doorstep to the guard shack at the Saguaro National Park, which makes it a fairly easy 9-mile ride round-trip on a good day, (with the option of adding an additional 8 miles if you ride through the park itself). There is only 250 feet of elevation change from my house to the park, so I can generally average about 15mph without too much effort.

I use CycloMeter on my Windows Phone to track my rides, and it uses the Windows Phone "Zira" text-to-speech voice to announce each mile that I have travelled, every 10 minutes that I have been riding, and every 100 calories that I have burned.

With that in mind, here is the conversation that ensued between my Windows Phone and me during today's ride:

• Leaving the house:
  • Me: Hmm... it's a little warm. What's the temperature?
  • Me: [Looks at the Weather Channel app.]
  • Me: 101 degrees, not too bad.
• At the 0.5-mile mark:
  • Me: Let's just casually glide between these speed bumps and the curb, shall we? No sense beating up the bike.
• At the 1.0-mile mark:
  • Zira: You've ridden 1 mile.
  • Me: Yeah, yeah. I'm aware of that - I know right where I am.
• At the 1.7-mile mark:
  • Me: OK - quick break at the Houghton Road stoplight. Time to hydrate.
• At the 2.0-mile mark:
  • Me: There's the road that marks off 2 miles from my house.
  • Zira: You've ridden 2 miles.
  • Me: Um, yeah - didn't I just say that?
• At the 2.5-mile mark:
  • Zira: You've burned 100 calories.
  • Me: Cool. Is it me, or is it getting warmer?
• At the 3.0-mile mark:
  • Me: This was a dumb idea. I hate this hill.
  • Zira: You've ridden 3 miles.
  • Me: I must remember that this big hill with the turn is the 3-mile mark.
  • Me: (Didn't I tell myself that the last time I rode this way?)
• At the 4.0-mile mark:
  • Me: This was a really dumb idea. It's pretty hot out here. How much Gatorade do I have left? Where am I?
  • Zira: You've ridden 4 miles.
  • Me: Oh, that's where I am. This was a really dumb idea.
• At the 4.5-mile mark:
  • Me: OK - I'm at the guard shack; time to turn around. Should I stop to refill my water bottle? Nah, takes too long.
  • My Evil Subconscious: Hey, as long as I'm here, should I enter the park and add the 8-mile desert ride onto this?
  • My Good Subconscious: I hate you. Shut up.
• At the 5.0-mile mark:
  • Zira: You've ridden 5 miles.
  • Me: It's really hot; did I mention that already? This was such a dumb idea.
  • Zira: You've burned 200 calories.
  • Me: Well, that takes care of lunch.
• At the 6.0-mile mark:
  • Zira: You've ridden 6 miles.
  • Me: I'm almost out of Gatorade; I should have filled up with water at the park entrance. I'm such an idiot.
• At the 6.7-mile mark:
  • Me: I should be at the 7-mile mark!!! What's up with this stupid GPS??? There's the stupid road that's 2 miles from my house!!!
  • Zira: (Silence.)
  • Me: Oh wait, wrong road; there's the correct road up ahead. This was a dumb idea.
• At the 7.0-mile mark:
  • Zira: You've ridden 7 miles.
  • Me: Shut up. No one likes a smarty-pants. Why is it so hot?
• At the 7.3-mile mark:
  • Me: Must catch the stoplight at Houghton Road...
  • Me: Must catch the stoplight at Houghton Road...
  • Me: Must catch the stoplight at Houghton Road...
  • Me: Caught it.
• At the 7.5-mile mark:
  • Zira: You've burned 300 calories.
  • Me: By the time I get home, I will have burned off breakfast and lunch. How's my blood sugar? Is it crashing yet? Perhaps I should have eaten more?
• At the 8.0-mile mark:
  • Zira: You've ridden 8 miles.
  • Me: Why does my Gatorade taste like I boiled it? Maybe a black water bottle was a bad idea.
• At the 8.5-mile mark:
  • Me: Who put these stupid speed bumps here???
• At the 8.9-mile mark:
  • Me: I'm right by the house!!! Why doesn't this stupid GPS say 9 miles???
  • My OCD Subconscious: You have to ride through the neighborhood to pick up the extra 0.1 miles and make it an even 9.0 miles.
  • My Hindsight Subconscious: You actually fell for that? You're an idiot.
• At the 9.0-mile mark:
  • Zira: You've ridden 9 miles.
  • Me: I'm done!!! Throw bike in garage... Grab water bottle from fridge... Pour ice water in my hair and drink the rest... Jump in shower... Why is this tap water so warm??? I haven't even turned on the hot water!!!

That's pretty much how the whole ride went down. Just in case you were wondering, the starting and ending temperatures for the ride were both 101 degrees.

Did I mention at any point that this was a dumb idea?